Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
