I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
