Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can I color on your dick again?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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