Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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