what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
