i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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