Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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