he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
