The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
