My hand turned me down
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sext me about skeletons
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
