My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
