I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
