I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
