3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
