The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
