In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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