oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
