Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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