My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
