um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
