So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
