ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
