My hair reeks of homosexuality.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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