I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
