sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
