i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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