His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
