There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
