we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
