im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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