So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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