I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
