I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
