Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Damn victory sex feels great
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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