did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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