everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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