Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
