I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
