I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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