ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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