I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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