I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is wine microwaveable?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
