and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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