i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
