I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
