I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
