We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Even my vagina gasped.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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