i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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