She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
