I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
