In the future we'll all be gay
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Terrible idea I love it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
