How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
