it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
