Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
