There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
