She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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