kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
