Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
