Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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