There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
