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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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