when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
