She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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