what day is it and did you see me today?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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