I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
