The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
